Let’s face it, we sometimes find ourselves in stressful situations where we are challenged to express our feelings, desires, wants and needs. The “fear” – say it the right way and at the right time so you can be understood and respected!
If the situation is emotionally charged, our feelings can override our mental faculties and without a filter, bam we say the wrong thing!
Keeping the filter strong and healthy is a feat that takes, time and practice. It can be accomplished – just not during heated discussions. That’s why it is good to practice using the “filter” before you are in the uncomfortable situation.
The first step is to begin using the pronoun, “I” instead of “you”. We tend to say things like “You make me so made when you do”… or, “You should…” YOU YOU YOU! First off, nobody can make YOU anything! You, yes YOU have complete control, the only control over your emotions, responses, thoughts, etc. That is what makes YOU unique!
Change the “YOU” to “I” followed with “think, feel, or heard”. Example, “When I think about…I feel…” It is not threatening or accusatory to the listener when you take control of what you think, feel and hear! When you shift to “YOU”, the listener, on an unconscious level, begins to mentallly defend the attack and responds accordingly.
Practice shifting “YOU” to “I” during your normal everyday conversations and watch how deeper your personal and professional relationships shift. Then, when you are faced with a challenging situation, you are more likely to apply these filters and shift the challenge towards a solution that is best for everyone involved.
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